A Sense of Sadness
by theraininspring
Summary: She could never really hate him.  All she ever knew was how to love him.  And that was all he knew.  If only it could be enough.  oneshot RLxLE, please review.


I own nothing. Absolutly nothing. Except college loans. You can take those. If you really want them. I won't argue.

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_When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears  
It was easy to see that you'd been crying  
__Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns  
__But who really profits from the dying?_

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She wrote a letter once. She never meant to mail it but when it fell out of her bag he read it none the less.

She didn't really hate him. Hate was such a strong word. Especially when all she really did was love him.

Perhaps she hated herself for not being strong enough.

"I never meant to hurt you."

He responds after reading her letter.

She nods. He really only ever meant to love her.

But she knew love wasn't enough. Not when there's a world full of people who don't understand.

She looks up at him, her green eyes bright in the light from the fire.

"Next time we won't let anything get in our way."

She pauses taking a breath.

"Next time it'll just be me and you forever."

He smiles his sad smile. The one she fell in love with so long ago.

"You'll always be James'. And I'll just be the boy who loved you from a distance."

She takes a step toward him.

"There's no distance between us Remus. We're closer than anyone else. Closer than me and James."

Her lips meet his and they melt into one another.

It's only for a moment. And then Remus remembers Lily belonged to James.

Her nose crinkles and her cheeks flush.

"I'm not a possession. I belong to no one," she looks him in the eyes, "And even if I did belong to anyone, I'd belong to you."

He sits down. She always made things hard for him.

"You can't belong to me. I'm too poor to own anything as exquisite as you."

She laughs and sits down next to him. Taking his hand and entwining her fingers in his.

She holds on tight afraid he'll let go too soon.

"But you have my heart Remus and that makes you the wealthiest bloke in the world."

"One day James will have it and I'll be penniless again."

She stays quiet for a minute. She hoped he'd grow out of his Lily and James phase by now. Seven years was such a long time.

"Will this make you happy? If I pretend to love James and I live this fairytale life, will you be happy?"

He remains quiet for just a moment. He was always such a good friend but even good friends are allowed a moment to hesitate.

Finally he responds.

"Yes."

"Then I'll be with James. But only because you say. I only ever wanted to make you happy."

He leans back and she tucks herself into his arms.

"But I'll hate you for it. Forever and ever."

"No Lily. You'll love me."

She didn't respond because it was the truth.

"If you said the word Remus, I'd run away with you. Just say the word and I'd do anything."

He remained quiet. She knew he'd never say the word.

She panics slightly. Her heart is racing and she feels dizzy.

She really never thought it would end this way. She really thought one day he'd just _let_ her love him.

"Remus…"

Her voice was sadder than he'd ever heard it.

He brings a finger to her lips.

"It'll be ok. You'll be happy. I promise."

He ignores the tears on his shirt.

She'd always love him. And he'd always love her. But sometimes love just wasn't enough.

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_When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions  
It's my worried mind that you quiet  
Place your hands on my face  
Close my eyes and say  
Love is a poor man's food  
Don't prophesize  
I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you forever  
And I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you forever_

_So now we see how it is  
This fist begets the spear  
Weapons of war  
Symptoms of madness  
Don't let your eyes refuse to see  
Don't let your ears refuse to hear  
__**Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness**__  
I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold on forever  
And I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold forever_

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Ray Lamontagne--Hold you in my Arms

I've been rereading alot of Harry Potter and somehow the idea of a Remus/Lily ficlet popped into my mind. They have a tragic romance quality to them. And we all know Remus was always too noble. Hope it was worth your time.


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